Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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