omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
17 year olds will be the death of me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
