She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
