i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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