new low.... made out with someone while peeing
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
