i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
