All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
