I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize