The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
