Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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