quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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