I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize