he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
