nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize