Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
