bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
