how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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