maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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