Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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