As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Panties = found
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