Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
