would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
