I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
