Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
