Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
