everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
