Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
