i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
