just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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