How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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