tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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