Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
