She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
