so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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