then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
