just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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