Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
