This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
