I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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