hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I smell stomach acid.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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