I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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