i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i drank out of a bidet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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