there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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