i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
dude. I can hear the air.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize