I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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