Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
