Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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