Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
