my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were destined to go to rehab together
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
