You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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