there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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