What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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