No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize