Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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