Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
