yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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