I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
