I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
