Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
