I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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